Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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