from now on my penis is your penis
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
