My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize