I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
