a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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