Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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