Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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