I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
