I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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