drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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