i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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