lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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