Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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