Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
