So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
