i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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