I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
