Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize