i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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