dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm both gender and math confused
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
