I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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