you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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