I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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