Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
