y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
