Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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