I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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