i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize