we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
