The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
