If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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