i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
