I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
