I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
