dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
