you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize