Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
