I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize