I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
