Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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