So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
