The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
how does that bad decision feel?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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