My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
