Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
and you fell through a lawn chair
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wear drunk well.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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