So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i love accidental penises.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
