Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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