My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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