he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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