1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Life is so much better after having sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
