Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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