It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
