I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
