Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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