Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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