Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize