I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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