one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
