My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My pussy is not your playground.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
