Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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