My liver just broke up with me...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
