Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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