She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
