apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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