in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We had to coat check the pizza.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize