my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
