i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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