I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
