i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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