am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
