I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So much rum. So many feels.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
