I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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