Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize