I wish my penis had an off switch
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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