We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
