she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
