the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
