My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
