I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My ATM looks so different sober.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
