Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
