when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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