so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you just see the Batmobile???
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
